I’ve “Frenchified” the title in an attempt to make the week sound slightly less gross than it really was.  First impressions don’t last long…

Monday:

So I’ve started to get into the ritual of writing my blog on a Sunday night for the previous week, so I can still technically say “last week” and it be truthful and to give some of my inner anger the chance to subside and reflect.  (If you thought I was harsh before, then that is with over a week of simmering! It would be far worse if I just unleashed the wrath at the time, so it is best for everyone if there is a little bit of breathing space between the two!). Unfortunately, I can get slightly carried away on my blog posts (off on a ranting tangent, anyone?!?!) so my Sunday nights have turned into early Monday mornings, which is never a good start to a working week when you’re averaging 3 hours of kip! But hey ho, I’m loving the response, so I will sacrifice some beauty sleep (“Nooooo!” wail the eye bags!) for my blogging passion! I also get a real buzz once I’ve pressed “Publish”, so find it hard to go to sleep straight after…which wasn’t a bad thing as it turned out, as a dog from somewhere over the road decided to start barking incessantly for around an hour at 3am! The owners were either away, deaf or bloody heavy sleepers!?

Mia jumped on me at 6am!  This is the girl that usually has to be woken up at 8am on a weekday for kindy! So why so early on a day when I needed the extra hour?!  “I’m excited about my lunch because Daddy made it!”? Just a double slap in the face then.  Woken up early and my lunches are clearly so boring, she just can’t wait to see what Daddy has packed!  Ian gave me a smug “one up” kind of smile, while I shoved my face into the pillow and wailed and then he said “Maybe if you didn’t stay up so late moaning on the internet, you wouldn’t be so tired!”  (If you don’t read my blog, as you claim, how do you know?! “Hi Ian!” I know you’re secretly reading!?)

I walked into work to be greeted by my workmates cackling about how funny my last blog was!  Oh shit, people are actually reading this!? “GH is going to bloody divorce you if you keep going!” remarked one! “It’s okay, he doesn’t read it!” I replied. Do you, GH?!?!?

The newspaper has started an Australian kids classics book offer, complete with collectors case, which I want just as much as Mia, as being English, I’m not familiar with the Aussie classics at all, so it’s an education all round!  We had the deal that Ian would pick them up on his way to work and let me know if he couldn’t get one, which he failed to do on both counts, so I spent an hour after work driving around to newsagents, all of whom had sold out!  Our collection has failed on day 2! Sounds about right!  And what bloody book was I searching for?  Only “poo poo” Wonky Donkey of the embarrassing playgroup scenario two weeks ago!  The scriptwriter for my life clearly loves a bit of irony!?

Tuesday:

So I went for my therapy session and told the therapist that she had featured in last week’s blog, but that I was careful not to name her, as I know some people don’t like that sort of thing! Well, she is all for being named and said if someone new comes as a direct result of me, then I could get free therapy sessions!  “This is how it begins!” I thought.  Today – free therapy sessions, tomorrow – free McDonalds if I give them a good review?! (I’m aiming high, people!)  Oh, and Yvette Borkowski from the Emotional Therapy Centre is awesome!?.  In all seriousness though, sponsorship and adverts are still baffling me, so any guidance by technical wizards is gratefully received!

Popped into a newsagent on the way home and managed to pick up yesterday’s book and Ian texted to say he got today’s, so we’re back on track! My head was cleansed of crap, the sun was shining and I had a spring in my step.  Today felt like it was going to be a good day…until I got back to the car and a parking attendant was in the middle of typing in a fine!  But, plot twist, I had a ticket and he just couldn’t see it, so I pointed it out and he still had to act all cocky and say “Just in time!”, when there were actually 45 minutes to spare!  Why can’t these people ever say “Sorry, I stuffed up!”  It’s like day one of training drums into them that they will never be at fault!  “He’s a stupid man, Mummy!  He couldn’t see our ticket!” piped up Mia.  (Well, quite, Mia. But we shouldn’t say these things out loud, so I shushed her and put her into the car, but I did have a little smirk on my face!?

Conversations with little people are always amusing and I had the best ones with Mia today while we were driving about.  We were talking about exercise and eating healthily and we got onto my belly and how there is a little pouch above my C section which just won’t shift!  “Maybe because it wants you to have another baby and it’s just being kind by not going away, so you don’t have to grow it all again!” surmised Mia.  What a great way of looking at it!?

Wednesday:

In the early hours of Wednesday morning, sickness hit Mia.  High temps, fever, sweats, snotty nose, cough, sore throat…yuk!  “Take your sick kid to work day” wasn’t fun.  If it hadn’t have been end of month deadlines, I would have just had the day off with her, but I thought we might be able to handle it.  I was wrong.  She didn’t want to get dressed, so I ended up bundling her into the car in her pyjamas.  She didn’t want to be apart from me, so had to sit on my chair while I was teaching, which wasn’t ideal, but she was relatively quiet!  By lunch time her temperature was sky high, so I had to leave on the promise I would make it up tomorrow!

In the evening, I went to Chicks at the Flicks for my friend Renee’s birthday.  I felt bad leaving Mia but it was actually nice to escape the sick bay for a while!  I hadn’t had chance to eat before leaving the house, so had the wine and choc top deal.  I know, my diet has been shocking  recently!?  In a run of good fortune at these events, I won a raffle prize again!? I had just beeen saying, “I want this one!” to the girls and then my name was read out!  If this luck could transfer to other aspects of my life, everything would be fine and dandy. “I want a baby!” “I want to win the lottery!” Hint, hint, nudge, nudge, universe!  For now, I will be grateful for my essential oil, scarf and earring set however!  By the end of the film, my nose had started running like a tap and my throat was swollen and burning.  I forgot to mention that the film was ironically titled “The Big Sick”!  No time for sickness here though!?? 

Trying to win the competition by brown-nosing! Maybe it would have helped if I had put my moustache straight!

Thursday:

Started the day with an argument with GH about who should stay home with our sick child!  Wonderful!  I hate how it’s assumed that it will be the Mum most of the time!  I’m already juggling too many balls and I’m crap at catching at the best of times!  I did get a phone call apology later that morning however, so at least some of my rant must have resonated!

In breaking news, we actually compromised (well he does get sick pay!) and he came home at lunchtime to tag me out to work.  I had cancelled my tutoring and taken Mia to the doctor where they diagnosed her with influenza A, despite us both having had the flu jab this year!  They put it down to being a different strain, but I never know whether it is best to get the vaccine or not, there are so many differing views!  Anyway, it explained a lot about Mia’s state, as sleeping in the day and being off her food are both unheard of in her world!  I felt guilty for dragging her into work with me yesterday, but it’s so hard to take time off, especially when you are part time!  I then had to drag her to my acupuncture appointment, as I am going weekly leading up to the fertility clinic visit.  Ian came to collect her from here so I could go straight to the office afterwards and by the time he got there she was flat out asleep on the carpet!?

Later that afternoon, I rang to get Ian’s semen analysis…of course, it’s bloody perfect!  Ultimately, this is evidently a good thing, but just a tiny part of me wanted there to be a slight defect, which could only be rectified by him quitting smoking or something!  Just so it’s not always me that’s the defective one, but no.  I rang him to tell him the good news and after the initial surprise that, despite his debaucherous lifestyle, his swimmers were just fine and dandy, there was a definite hint of smugness which is clearly going to lead to bragging at a later date!?  I explained, in no uncertain terms, that this didn’t mean he could go and smoke and drink up a storm now, but I fear that was falling on deaf ears!

Friday:

Illness wrecks your social life!  Today we had to miss the unveiling of the new playground at playgroup and a trampoline party.  Now I know most of you will be thinking “So what?!” but explaining to a child that is sick, that they are too sick to do things that they want to do because they are sick, is not fun.  There are tears, screaming fits and meltdowns.  You will be labeled the worst parent ever!  They will then have a coughing fit and be covered in approximately double the amount of snot that they ordinarily would be, due to the cascade of tears activating an avalanche of mucus!?

I read in the local news that Toowoomba is in the midst of an influenza A outbreak with schools and care homes affected.  And the Tolcher residence!  A guy came to the door looking for a Jenny (?) and looked my dressing gown-clad self up and down.  Not that I really had to justify, but I informed him that this was the sick house and he visibly jumped back, which gave me a chuckle!?

By the afternoon, we were all TVed out, so we started asking Siri questions as I’d seen some funny suggestions on Facebook.  Mia said “I love you!” to which Siri replied: ” All you need is love.  And your IPhone.” ?

Saturday:

Oh no!  Ian has influenza A, the man flu edition!  He was the biggest GH he has ever been!   Unbearable!  We were all meant to be going to a housewarming party, which we obviously  couldn’t now,  but I was so fed up by mid-afternoon, that I snuck out for an hour so I could go.  I took one drink, so I couldn’t be tempted to stay too long and did feel a little bit naughty, but it was nice to escape the sick bay for an hour!  Despite my nose tap on Wednesday, the flu has yet to claim me, so maybe my flu jab has worked?!

Escaping the sick bay for an hour, feeling like a naughty school girl “twagging”!?

Sunday:

Seeing as everyone bar me had the flu, there was no point getting dressed today.  I regretted that decision slightly when our friends popped round at 2pm with alcoholic presents (the best kind!) for looking after their dog while they were on holiday and I hadn’t even brushed my hair!  All hail Mrs Scarecrow!?

Technically, I didn’t deserve a present, as Ian had done all the looking after, but the bottle of fizz was gratefully received!?

The sick bay! Gross and cute all at the same time!??

Talk to you next week!