In this blog: The fitness challenge was in full swing and I was using this, work and Mia Muffin to avoid my marital bliss-ters!  “Just keep swimming!” was my new life motto and the way to get Mia around the parkrun circuit too as it turned out!🐠😂

Monday:

Monday again?!😒  However, I was observing Teacher Aides all day which is quite fun.  I love getting back in the classroom, in fact I actually love the kids and the teaching aspect of teaching!  I don’t love: paperwork, meetings, deadlines and stress!  So I will just be a judgmental cow-bag and criticise everyone else instead!😀  Not really, I always try to look for the positives and rarely have anyone who is not doing a great job at supporting the class anyway.  (Or they do it out of my sight!🙊)

I picked Little Miss Muffin up from school and then went to do another observation at an after-school care facility.  Obviously they are kid-friendly, so “take your kid to work” was not as disastrous as it has been for me in the past.😅  In fact, she didn’t want to leave, so I had to implement the “gritted-teeth-mum-hiss” accompanied by a “death-stare” which said “DO NOT CHUCK A TANTRUM HERE! I AM SUPPOSED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL EDUCATOR!  I CAN NOT BE FOILED BY MY OWN KID!!!” Thankfully the message was received!😅

Had a horrible argument with Ian.  Refused to retaliate, which is what I would normally do.  I have a big mouth and I like to use it, but it isn’t productive and I’m over arguing.  I used to actually enjoy a good argument, but it’s getting draining in my old age!  Me not responding as standard drives him mad though and then he lashes out.  Acting like I don’t care is working for me in the moment, but the truth is, I do!🙁

Tuesday:

Hardly slept and then cried at work to my boss.  She suggested that I call a counsellor and I did.  They will give me three free sessions which is good for our wallets too!  They said they would call back when they have an available spot.

After work, I went to Pilates.  My food diary has been going well, as has my “extra exercise” so I’ve been racking up the challenge points.  I know I’m not going to win the weight loss prize, as I don’t have that much actual weight to lose (just the flabby hard to reach bits to get rid of!😒) but I’m damn sure going to try to get the points prize!

It’s nice to have something else to focus on.  For so long it was trying to get pregnant and GH and I were certainly not in that frame of mind anymore – we couldn’t even have a civilised conversation!  Grunts instead of words and separate beds.  So depressing!😣  “Just keep swimming!”  The current is very strong right now though!

Wednesday:

Valentine’s Day!  This was the first year ever that I hadn’t bought Ian a thing.  Not even a card!  Anyone who knows me well, knows that this is unheard of.  I’m a present-giver.  I like to give more than I like to receive because I love seeing people’s faces when they open a thoughtful gift.  But I figured it would be out of keeping with the current state of affairs and he wouldn’t be doing anything to celebrate, so what was the point?!🤷🏼‍♀️

I walked into the dining room to chocolate pancakes and a rose each on our place mats!😲  WTF?!?!  (Followed closely by “SHIT!!!  I haven’t got him anything!!!”😳)  I ran over and grabbed him in a hug.  He looked at me like I was a leper!

“What’s that for?!” he said.

“Thank you so much for my rose and breakfast!” I replied.

“I did it for Mia, not you!” he retorted.

“Oh.”😶  Well that burst my balloon!

“Let’s have a photo with our breakfast!” said an excited Mia, so I pasted on my best fake smile.

I swear to God, fake smiles have to be Number One on my list of talents.  You have to do it so much as a teacher and a Mum!  But I’ll give you a clue, if you want to know how someone is really feeling, it’s all in their eyes.  Mine were glazed over, desperately trying not to ruin the moment for Mia, but actually wanting to get back in bed and crawl into a ball.  But that’s what I did when I was really depressed and I’m determined not to go back to that place again, so, I fake-smile-styled it and got on with my day.

I was training in Stanthorpe so I had a 4 hour round trip to be alone with my thoughts, which absolutely sucks when you’re trying to get away from your thoughts!😫  I was so confused as to what the best move from here would be.  I got back to Toowoomba and had a missed call.  It was the receptionist from counselling saying they had a space for us next Thursday!  Well maybe that was a sign!  Kind of clinging to any last bit of hope!😌

Thursday:

Had to wake Mia up for school and her response was “I just need a break!”  Totally hearing her, but the show must go on!😴

In excellent news for everyone, Ian finally got his driving license back!🎉  A month later than expected, granted, but no more Emma the taxi driver!!!🥂  Just a shame it costs shitloads!🙄

Friday:

Ian has been talking to his mother about our situation and surprise surprise, she had a lot to say and surprise surprise, she’s completely on his side about it all!😑  I will not get into the Mother-in-law issues here because it would probably take another year to rant about, but it completely wound me up and ruined my Friday night!😒  Which was probably her intention, so she won that round!  Went to bed as GW!😡

Saturday:

Ian was getting up at the crack of dawn to go on a fishing trip with his mates for the weekend, so we were home alone!  Celebrated this by…exercising!🤷🏼‍♀️  Did parkrun again – Mia moaned incessantly, so we sang “Just keep swimming!” to get us up Queens Park hill!  Definitely the theme of the week!🐠

We went from parkrun to Konga training (ahem via McDonalds!  Purely for convenience and I tracked my calories – promise!!!🙈)  It was “bring a friend” week for extra points so I brought Jane and Dani brought Hiromi.

The lady who runs the class came over to me and said “Apparently I need to read your blog!  I’ve heard everything always goes wrong for you and it’s really funny!”😲  I was a little taken aback and cringed slightly, but it turns out we have a mutual friend!  Loving the word of mouth reviews though…I think!  It’s much easier to write than to actually say things, so I sometimes get a wave of shyness…my friends will be shouting BS to that comment, but I’m just good at pretending.☺️  As with the fake smile, I also pretend to be outgoing, but am pretty reserved until I’m comfortable with a situation.  Then you can’t shut me up!😃

Mia and Dani’s little girl, Lucy, were getting really into the workout, well mainly the music, which was quite sweet.  They were running in and out of the hall doors having a great time, so we kind of left them to it…until they reappeared with a random huge dog!  This was pretty disruptive to the workout, as you can imagine, and we had no idea where it had come from!?!🤷🏼‍♀️  We moved further back to police the girls and resorted to videos on our phones to keep them in one place!  After the workout, I apologised to Di and said that the dog incident was a perfect example of how an average day for me tends to go!🙈

As Ian was away, Mia and I had a girly shopping afternoon, ice cream and pizza and a movie.  I love one on one time with my little munchkin!❤️  Unfortunately I chose Coraline, as it was in the kids section of Netflix and I hadn’t seen it before. Mia was petrified and took forever to go to sleep!🙈

Sunday:

Today was the Flower of Change festival in Queens Park, which my friend, Marianne, organised for the Cancer Council.  Obviously Mia had to do absolutely everything, so we did the petting zoo, pony ride, sand art (all the other little girls were picking unicorns and princesses and Mia picked this hideous vampire bat!🤷🏼‍♀️ ) and spent a small fortune…before being told that the section we were in had nothing to do with the Flower of Change festival, which was further over!  Whoops!😳

To make up for it, we entered every competition that we could in the 30 minutes remaining and practically won everything too!  Mia won chocolate, jigsaws, a doll, doughnuts and planted her own flowers to take home!  I could barely walk to the car due to exhaustion, but she had a great day!

Ian got home from his fishing trip as practically Happy Husband, which was surprising, in a good way!😀  I could only hope that that would mean a positive start to the next week!

PS. I tried to come up with something profound about swimming as a summary quote, but then I started thinking about kids peeing in pools and got distracted.  Which has now reminded me that I didn’t insist on Mia going to the toilet before bed and she drank a lot at dinner…living on the edge!😬  Please cross your fingers for me!🤞 And thanks for reading as always!😘