I started last week all partied out from the birthday extravaganza, which wasn’t a good look and was determined for it to be less eventful, which it was…slightly!  But still a weird one…

Monday:

I dragged myself through work appointments and got back to my desk to discover missed calls and voicemails from Ian’s Dad and his wife, which was a little strange and my usual worst case scenario thoughts rushed through my mind.  As it turned out, Ian’s Dad had been contacted by a random lady who had been walking on Point Cartwright Beach after a thunderstorm, to see a mobile phone bobbing about in the shallows!  Yes, it was Ian’s and it still switched on!  She had scrolled through the contacts and decided “Dad” was the best bet to call, hence him now contacting me! How random is that?! A: to find a Good Samaritan who didn’t just pocket it and B: that it still switched on despite swimming in the sea for God knows how long?!  So if you’re looking for a durable phone, the Samsung Galaxy A5 appears to be the one!  I relayed the crazy story to Ian when I got home, he rang the lady and gave her my friend’s address to drop it off at.  Bizarre, but great!

Getting ready for bed, I walked into the bathroom and a kamikaze spider launched at me as I walked in!  I freaked out (as I have severe arachnophobia), kicked my shoe off, in what I like to think was a kind of ninja warrior style, but was probably more akin to a hippo on ice, and splatted it onto the tiles.  Not being an Australian native, I have no idea what is actually poisonous, so I figure if I work on the assumption that everything is out to kill me, I have covered my back!  I inspected the carcass, mainly to check that it wasn’t going to go for round 2 and then dropped my shoe and I’m sorry to say it is still there, waiting for a moment when Grumpy Husband is in a good mood and I can ask for a favour! I may be waiting a while!  He is rather unsympathetic to my damsel in distress tendencies, although in the initial stages of our romance he was decidedly Mick Dundee, which was obviously very attractive, and I assumed he would be the resident pest exterminator, so to change the rules up and expect some sort of equality in the disposal of creepy crawlies is, quite frankly, not on!  I envisage some sort of “shoe standoff” on the horizon, as we are both frustratingly stubborn! Ah, married bliss!?

Tuesday:

I started the day with a trip to my Emotional Therapist.  There was a time when I would have been mortified to admit that, but my views on so many things have changed dramatically over the past few years.  I will now quite happily admit that a couple of years ago, I lost the plot.  I was the lowest I have ever been.  Everything got very dark and I wasn’t sure that I could actually pull myself out of it at one point, so I forced myself to get professional help and far from it embarrassing me, it actually empowered me.  It is not a sign of weakness to admit that you need help, it is actually a sign of strength.  You can bury your feelings and paint a fake smile on your face day after day, but there is going to come a time when the smile will crack and you can’t pretend anymore.  It is very hard to get out of that hole.  The key is to spot the signals and get help before you fall in.  I know there is still a stigma attached to mental health issues and to be quite honest, before it happened to me, I was guilty of being judgemental and wondering why people couldn’t just “snap out of it”.  The truth is: nobody wants to be depressed, but it can happen to anybody and can creep up when you least expect it, so don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help or talk to people about your issues.  I still go to therapy sessions once a month, because although I am back to my “normal” self, I find it extremely helpful to talk things out, rather than internalising my issues and she actually encouraged me to start this blog, so you’ve got her to thank for my inane ramblings!?

Mia still had a birthday voucher to use at the toy shop where she had her party, so we “popped in” for her to pick something, basically because it expired at the end of the week, not because she had any need for any more toys after her birthday haul!  She spent 25 minutes deciding and finally went for a tub of goop which came in a toilet shaped container and made fart noises, to my “delight”.  Time well spent I’m sure you will agree!?

We arrived home and walked into the kitchen to be greeted by Ian’s work crew sitting around the table eating leftover birthday cake! Not what I was expecting and I was a bit embarrassed as we had dashed out that morning and left the house in an absolute state! GH does not need any more ammunition against my lack of housework!?

Wednesday:

I had an interesting moment at work when I couldn’t locate two students and thought they had done a runner, only to discover they had been locked in the toilet!  I also made it through to about 3pm before realising I had had my top on backwards all day! Seeing as nobody had pointed it out, I would like to think that they just hadn’t noticed, rather than just refrained from telling me!?

At around 4:15pm, I received a call from Ian who was on sample drop off take two at the fertility clinic.  It was due to close at 5 that day (it even said that on the door!) but he had just arrived to find them locking up! Apparently the doctor was on holiday, so they were closing up early! “While the cat’s away…” clearly!  Ian explained that he needed to give a sample and they said he would have to make an appointment for next week now because they were really busy!   He asked if he could get a new specimen cup and she said no, because she had already set the alarm! Bear in mind that he had been abstaining, not smoking or drinking alcohol all week again and you will understand that this went down like a lead balloon!  “It’s State of Origin tonight and I’m pissed off now, so I’m going to the bottle-o and getting pissed!” snarled Very Grumpy Husband!  Do you think the universe is telling us to give up, or seeing how much we really want this?!  By the way, State of Origin is a big rugby competition between New South Wales and Queensland, as these were the two original states.  I can’t say I fully understand it. We barrack (check my lingo!) for Queensland, because that’s where we live!  Queensland won, hubby was slightly less grumpy, but I am still being held responsible for subjecting him to the fertility clinic atrocities!?

Thursday:

Started the day by slicing my hand open on a dog food can, which is always a good way to make sure you are really awake!  Today I had another acupuncture session booked in.  I’m not sure if it is working, but it can’t harm anything and some people swear by it aiding fertility, so I’m giving it a good go.  Well, the acupuncturist wanted to use a golden needle with me in this session (don’t worry, it didn’t cost any extra, that was my first thought too!) and bigged up its additional qualities.  Apparently, the last lady he used a golden needle with was pregnant three weeks later!  I try not to be too sceptical, but I am aware at how “out there” this all sounds.  At the end of the session, he boxed up the needle like an acupuncture doggybag and said that if I fall pregnant this month, I will have the golden needle as a souvenir of what made it happen!   It is currently sitting on my bedside table while I wait for it to work its magic!  Speaking of which, I thought we had better make some golden needle magic that evening to strike while the iron was hot, so to speak!  Apparently scheduled sex isn’t sexy!  Be happy with what you can get, GH!?

Friday:

The playgroup theme this term is occupations and today was the dentist, so we were trying to find a dental-related book for story time and Mia had thought of The Tooth Fairy from Ben & Holly.  Unfortunately it was decided that we should read a different one, as one of the families doesn’t agree with the Tooth Fairy concept.  Now I don’t agree with changing things like that when you are technically disappointing many to appease a few,  but it wasn’t my call.  Mia, on the other hand, flew into a huge fit of rage when I explained there was no tooth fairy story and took it out on the poor old Wonky donkey who was swiftly renamed “POO POO WONKY DONKEY!!!” as she attempted to wrestle the book out of the storyteller’s hand and I dashed across the room to try to halt the carnage!  Judging by the last week alone, 5 appears to be the year of the ridiculous public outburst!?

Next up was a surprise soirée at work, as two colleagues were celebrating birthdays.  Mia did her usual “look at me, I’m the only kid!” routine until it got annoying, so I took her to do some craft activities, popped out and back in to find her with scissors in hand!  “NO SCISSORS!” I shrieked!  She’s not having scissors until she’s an adult, after haircut-gate!??

She was getting more and more sniffly as the day went on and following lunch with a friend and a play date in the park, where I felt like we did more ferrying back and forth from the toilet than actual playing, I decided it was time to take her poopy butt home for a rest!  By bedtime, she was full of cold and all clammy.  Lurgy time!?

Saturday:

After a terrible night’s sleep up and down with the snot-monster, I dragged myself to parkrun with the hope that it would make me feel better and it actually did…temporarily!  Mia had two birthday parties to attend today, but she just wasn’t well enough.  If you’ve ever tried to tell a child that they can’t go to a party, you will understand my pain.  Meltdown city!  Combined with a head full of snot and the result wasn’t pretty (although evidently quite poetic!).  I finally got her to calm down a bit by telling her I would attend both parties to give the presents and I would bring her a party bag back.  

Kids birthday parties without a kid in tow are a bit weird!  But I stayed for an hour chatting to the other Mums before I made my apologies and drove home, with goody bag, back to the sick bay!  One down!

The next one was a Mum’s birthday but the kids were all having a play date in the park as part of it, well, except my kid, who was hanging with GH, who I think was loving the excuse to veg on the couch with her!  I arrived at the park with a pirate ship, as per the text instructions and couldn’t see any of them!  Did a quick lap in case they were out of sight, but nope!  Sent an SOS text to be told that they were at a different pirate ship park, one which is ironically right near my house, not the other side of town like the one I was standing in! Pegged it across town just in time for cake (a sugar high was gratefully received, as I was starting to flag after next to no sleep!).?

Dashed home to get changed as I was volunteering at the Baby and Toddler expo as part of the playgroup team that afternoon!  My friend had messaged me earlier in the week to inform me that I was down for face painting!? I have zero artistic talent, so had to politely decline that role, as I had visions of inconsolable kids and angry parents!  I did get roped in to going up on stage as part of the speeches, but luckily only had to smile and wave, rather than address the room!  Fortunately smiling and waving is something I can do!  I saw so many people I knew there, it turned into quite a social occasion and as talking is one of my favourite pastimes, the hours flew by!  Our sweetener for volunteering was a goody bag worth a hundred dollars, but the event had been so successful that they had run out of bags before we had even arrived!  Typical!? 

I was seriously flagging by the time I got home, so was planning an early night and was just starting to doze off when I got a text inviting me to Georgia’s baby shower, which was all very nice…if I knew anyone called Georgia!  I replied saying that they must have the wrong number, to which they responded that they were looking for Emma!  Well, you know when you start second guessing yourself?  I was wondering if I actually did know a Georgia and had just forgotten?! I went through my phone and Facebook contacts, but nothing.  I definitely didn’t know a Georgia and we clearly weren’t good friends, so why would she want me at her baby shower?!  I texted back that I may be having a major blonde moment (covering my back!) and I am Emma, but I honestly didn’t know a Georgia! Well, the next text came back with surnames, addresses and due dates, but I was none the wiser, so just had to apologise for not knowing Georgia and wished them luck in locating the correct Emma!  How strange that they would get the wrong Emma with my number though?! It had been a very bizarre week for phone-based situations!?

Sunday:

I finally got a duvet day (or doona, as they say here!). Sometimes you just need a day of doing sweet F A to make you feel human again!  I hope you all had a good one!:)